Ready to Give Up

I stopped calorie counting after 3 days. -___- I knew I was destined to fail. I have no self control, willpower, or anything to make me stay on course. That being said, I wish I could say I didn't fall off the ball with my diet. Sadly, I can't. BUT I didn't do terrible. I am still figuring out a balance that works for ME. After my 2 week hiatus from the gym, back I go today. I'm not going to bother setting a goal or anything. It'll happen when I'm ready. While I would like to look stellar for my birthday in October, I'm not pushing things. I would still like to eat and enjoy my food, just in moderation. Beside I know I still got it ;-)

As for the shopping.... let's not go there. I'm working on it though! I have, however, learned how to do a nice makeup look that I like, and am becoming comfortable with lipstick. I even rocked red lips on date night! Bold moves for my beginner status, but I felt comfortable. Thus I am off of Sephora for the next few months. I just have to tackle this hair and I will be set. I'm on my way to looking and dressing like a young woman and not a behemoth running out the house. Too bad I can't wear heels* ::sigh::

Work's been treating me well. Can't complain. Hoping that when that time comes they'll hire me. But if not, no biggie - on to the next one!

That's about it for now. Catch you next time.

* I've permanently damaged my ankle so I can't wear heels, or else my ankle swells and I am in pain.

Calorie Counting

I gave up on all my dieting plans and pigged out for a bit thinking I was ok. I'm going to the gym it can't be that bad.. Until I went to the doctor and I gained 20 lbs. Yeah, I couldn't believe it either. I didn't look any different, I didn't feel bigger, but most of all I didn't think 20 lbs! Maybe 5-10. I went home on my Wii, only to have it confirmed that the doc's scale was right. (The medical asst didn't even 0 the scale out before I got on, she just kept it at the last person's weight and said that we were spot on.) Yikes!! not only did I pass my max weight, I passed it by 10 lbs. So I knew I had to settle down and do something about this.

I made a plan, that doesn't include starving myself into oblivion. I downloaded one of those stupid calorie counter apps and now am keeping track of everything I eat. Now that I see how many calories per serving there are, its opening my eyes. I have horrendous eating habits that need to be changed, and I am serious about changing it. Dieting doesn't help because its short term. So if I want to do this the right way, then I have to make a lifestyle change.

I also never understood how much your job affects your eating habits, but boy did I realize it. From the sitting down all day, to the crap I eat when we order lunch as a group, I realized it was all too easy for me to gain those lbs. This is a damn shame for me! The last time I was at my heaviest, I was freakishly huge. This time I am close to the weight I was before, but I'm carrying it differently because I do not look the same as I did before. Still that's not an excuse. I'm just like damn, I still can't believe it!

Don't worry I'm not making this into a weight loss blog, but it's still gonna have updates. I still stand firm on not having pictures in my blog also. It's somewhere in the air about what my main topic is going to be.

On a side note, I also have to watch my alcohol then, there's a whole bunch of calories hidden in those drinks! (Not like I'm an alcoholic or a drunk) I'm just sayin' Maybe I should check out those Skinny Girl drinks. ;-)

*chuckin them deuces*

Shop-A-Holic

I must stop. I swear I cannot do this anymore. I checked my Mint account a few weeks ago and I am a certified shop-a-holic. Too much of my money gets whisked away before I even know it. Part of it is that I have absolutely no self control, the other part of it is me having money. Sounds odd, but when I was making single digits an hour I had no choice but to pay all my bills and barely have money for a metrocard and lunch, let alone to shop. Now that I make well above what I was making before, I am going out of control. I already know I'm more than over-compensating for the fact that I could never buy anything before when I was consistently living paycheck to paycheck. But its hard to see something I want and not buy it. Especially since I know I can afford it and I'm totally compulsive and have to have it yesterday. Did I mention I have horrible self control? Don't get me wrong I do save, and I have a decent savings. I'm not neglecting my bills either. Everything gets paid on time, believe that! Credit card companies are vultures and they do not joke around.

I am slowing down now though. Majority of my money goes to food, but we all gotta eat right? I am cutting down on spending exorbitant amounts of money on lunch, and jumping on it when the company buys us lunch. Shoot.. I'm not turning down anything free. I also don't shop for clothes. Mostly because I'm fat, and partly because I don't care how the hell I look 80% of the time. I'm a very low key, in and out of the bathroom kinda gal. I secretly do like to dress up, but my esteem is shot with my waistline, and I really don't have the time for all the dolling up. I'd rather sleep than wake up early to do makeup, hair and all that extra stuff. Which makes me wonder why I made VIB status at Sephora in less than 3 months and am at over 600 points -__- I still have not found a good foundation I like, so that's my reason for not using all the million products I have. What's the point in dressing up everything else if your face is all blotchy and shitty looking?

Anyway I digress. I will put myself on a new savings plan and see how that works out. I'm putting more towards my bills so I can be free from these predators scavengers, whatever you wanna call them. I've already set aside a moving out fund, and am almost done with my emergency fund, so I will start a vacation fund, or something similar. Maybe I'll just name it "Just Cause" fund. That has a nice ring to it :-) But less shopping! After my birthday splurge, I will take a hiatus. I promise!

Ciao bellas!