Ehh..

I gave up on my food journal. Like I didn't see that coming. Too tedious. And I still ate whatever whenever. So it made no sense. I know what I'm supposed to be eating and not eating, why write it down? Still trying to find that healthy food mid ground. I've been trying not to be a total pig and give in to all my cravings. So far I'm doing ok I had 2 French macarons on Thurs tho :-/ but they're so good! Not to mention I totally pigged out this weekend so far. But come on, how could I not indulge on the company's dime? Too bad I didn't stay for dessert. I mean seafood isn't all that bad right? So I'm not that terrible. Those Huevos Rancheros today though, that was totally evil, and I loved it. I'll start over tomorrow - promise. With this heat though, its not that hard to stay away from food. All I wanna do is drink water.

Speaking of heat, summer is officially here and I'm stuck inside 5 days a week. Guess I will be staying pale all year round. No need for my summer shade of foundation :-/ I have to figure out what to do on weekends to beat the heat and mange a slight tan. I'm thinking of going to the park with a blanket and just get my tan on that way. There's no way I'm making it to a beach this summer. And I'm definitely not doing a tanning salon or self tanner. Not my style. I'm gonna try to upgrade my color before I look like Bella. But at least I don't glitter in the sun.

On the make up tip - I've been trying I get it together. I need to learn some more work appropriate looks though. As well as how to do my eyebrows. But I'm working on it. My skin has been acting up something terrible lately so I'm hoping that once I go back to my skin care regimen I will be ok enough to start back up with makeup. I don't like putting shit on top of fucked up skin because it will make it worse. Hopefully Monday I can start again.

Would love to write more but it's terrible writing this shit on my phone.

Deuces

Unmotivated..

My diet/exercise plan is failing already. As I guessed, I'm busy with work and then tutoring on the side. I'm coming home late, eating late, and EXHAUSTED. Shoot I'm knocked out on the train ride to and from work. So to come home after all that and think about exercising? My body says "uh-uh don't even go there" and shuts down. Then when I get stressed out at work, all I wanna do is munch on shit, and all the other stuff I try to eat/drink to stay awake.. UGH I'm over it. And on a budget, eating healthy (especially in FiDi) is expensive! On salads alone I blow my weekly budget in 2 days -__- What the heck is that? Food from home is cheaper, but then it depends on what is cooked in the week. I don't do the cooking, so I don't have a whole lot to say about that. I mean he tries to help, but bottom line is - I don't care as long as there's food on the table.

Anyway enough with the rambling. Tutoring should be over soon, 2 more weeks of killing myself after work and then I can breathe easier. Not having anything to do after work will help me a lot. Once I'm home earlier, there's more time to do things and be able to get my ass in gear. I just hate things not going according to my schedule. It's one of my many OCDs. :-X BUT I will most definitely work hard to lose this weight. I figure exercising at least 3 days a week should be a good start, I'm not trying to be a work out nut, but just healthy. That damn Wii Fit is one hell of a asshole though, I can tell you that much. He/she/it is very judgmental and makes no bones about it. But don't worry I will beat that monster!!

Will update ya'll on the progress soon.. FYI I did drop down past the "Over the Limit" weight and am back in safer waters.. :)

Over the Limit

So I bought a Wii as a way to have fun and exercise because let's face it, I come up with so many excuses to be lazy. And so far I don't mind it. I actually like it. But I have only had it for a week now. I did use it 3 times in the week so far. I bought the Wii Fit Plus and Zumba. They really do get you moving and have fun. I think it will help me because I'm competitive and I'm not going to let a damn video game mock me and tell me I 'm not good enough. But I did realize once the Wii board weighed me that I'm not only at the highest weight I set for myself, I passed it! Which means its time for some serious cut backs and kick ass. When I went through all my BS before and I lost all that weight in a really unhealthy way, I made it a point to mark off the high, low and best weight for myself. I won't say the numbers, but low-high was a good 25 lb range and the best weight was about the middle. And for a bit I was maintaining the mid weight and eventually leaning towards the mid-high end. Like most normal people, my weight fluctuates, and usually I'm able to drop weight quickly when I need to, but it is becoming harder for me to do so. My will power has also disappeared as it were to seem. But I have to be serious about this. I know I blame most of the weight on being on birth control, but I can't blame it all on that. (I was able to figure out some of my mood swings were because of the pill I was on at the time and I was able to fix that ASAP)

Now I already know that you have to lose weight the healthy way and not over do it or try to shed pounds too fast. Like all good things, its going to take time, work, and dedication. I am prepared to do it for real this time instead of talking shit and sitting on my ass. Hence why I started a food log this time. I am also really going to track myself on the Wii. This way I have a "personal trainer" so to speak. In a way the games and characters in them will help motivate me to do the exercises. I definitely saw this coming though, and hopefully if I get it together, I can get my mojo back. :) But no, if I can feel better about myself and gain some confidence, then I can fix things with my hunny at home. Because I know for a fact that this shit has affected my confidence/esteem and added to my not taking care of myself and caring how I look. Thus the vicious cycle has to end, and it will. Sooner than later.

That's all for now. Chuckin the deuces!